we're back in the hospital

Well - Sam got a fever again this morning. He didn't feel that great, so I took his temperature. First time, 101. Second time, 102.1. So I called and they said bring him in. Took him in to clinic. Put us immediately into a side room. Put his port back in - he didn't like that at all. He's in his spiderman full body pajama, and he let us only lower the zipper to hook him up. They tested, said he's "neutropinic" - meaning his "neutrophils" - the things in the blood that fight germs - are gone. He's on ARA-C, which knocks him out anyway. That combined with the fever made it an easy call: admit him. Initial estimate is 2-4 days, UNTIL HIS COUNTS RECOVER... yikes... when he's got no fever it takes a while for his counts to recover. I'm emotionally preparing myself to be here til Friday.

To top it off, Kafi has a sore throat. She went to the doc, doc said it's probably a virus, so she's got to watch out and take care.

Sam is pretty ok. At fear of projecting too much on to him, I think he really doesn't like being here again, he's got his deeper emotions and fears, he misses Mommy, he keeps asking about Grandma, he cried out loud at the X-Ray, didn't want to take it, made me have to hold his arms while I pressed him against the X-Ray; then it was back to thumb in mouth. He hasn't been eating much. Kafi came with Micah and Aunt Shirley, brought food and games and party(!), which is great. I popped out to finish the Harambee newsletter and get it printed at Econoprint in Pasadena. I'll be back by 6pm, I'll spend the night, Kafi needs to be at home resting as much as possible.

THANK YOU for your ongoing prayers. I feel like Kafi and I need them as much as Sam, which is a d*** selfish thing to write, but hear what I'm saying, we just need the prayer, too. And I've come to understand how important spiritual strength is, and mental strength. Sometimes I think we need materials things, but then I realize we don't need things, but we need intangibles to just hang on, do the right thing, to be able to look back and know that we did the right thing, the best, we tried, and when we didn't measure up it was ok, because we loved. Or something like that. I'm reaching for it, but feel me.

Will keep you posted. Thanks, Dave, for bringing by the cooler with drinks; thanks, Debra, for driving out here on business. Thanks, harambee staff, for doing your thing to the Lord first and as part of our team.